Operation  Giving A Hand
by Randomus Prime
Summary: Onslaught was never nervous or shy; he did get really pissed when his plans didn't work but never anxious. This time was different: this was not a battle field, this was not a fight, it was ... Crack, language, Ick-Yaks.


**_Operation - Giving A Hand_**

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><p><strong><span>Authors's Foreword<span>**

**Well, as you may or may not know, I already wrote a number of fanfics containing The Technobots. They are, however, not my favorite combiner team. One day I thought, hey, why don't I actually write a fanfic about the Combaticons? So I did and here it is. Enjoy!**

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><p>"JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE MAKING!"<p>

"I don't even care what he is doing …"

"SHUT YOUR FRAGGING FRAG HOLE UP!"

"Hey! Hey! Would you like to try these new sedatives? They will make you purr like an Earth kitten! Limited time offer!"

"Will all of you shut the hell up or do I have to take you on Mr. Vortex's 'Wild Ride'?"

"I WILL SLAGGING RIDE YOU SO FRAGGING HARD, YOU WON'T WALK STRAIGHT FOR TWO MEGACYCLES!"

Even with his auditory receptors turned off, Onslaught could feel his brothers Brawl, Blast-off, Swindle and Vortex yell at each other. He imagined that everyone on the Decepticon base was scared shitless of his team at this moment.

Brawl didn't know the definition of silence and along with Vortex's oil-chilling craziness, they were more than enough to have even Shockwave freak out from their mere presence. Everyone made huge circles around Blast-off and Swindle; one was creeping the ever-living crap out of them and the other always ended up selling them a boat-load of the most random useless stuff. The only one of the Combaticons that could have any type of real conversation was Onslaught, and out of the five, he was the closest thing to "normal" in the group. Shockwave and Soundwave occasionally asked him to join them over a glass of fine-grade; the two enjoyed the company of a fellow strategist and tactician.

"Men!" With a sigh, Onslaught turned on his audio receptors and immediately went deaf from all the noise, "AH! MY AUDIO SENSORS!"

"… GO FRAG YOURSELF AND YOUR SERVO MASSAGER!"

"Why would I do that? I am hurt! Fine, I will lower the price just for you!"

"I don't even care what you guys are talking about …"

"You will once Vortex let's you ride him! Order your tickets now and …"

"Hey! Stop selling me!"

"YOU ARE A FREAKING PROSTITUTE AND SWINDLE IS YOUR PIMP!"

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><p>No matter how many Mechspirins or Autovils Shockwave took, the headache from the Combaticons never went away. On the contrary, just like the Decepticon team, it pushed harder, driving the poor sub-commander into a state of depression.<p>

"Oh, dear, good thing Megatron is away …"

He couldn't figure out what they were arguing about this time, not that anyone ever could and asking Onslaught about it later was useless; the team leader simply sat back and enjoyed the show, eating pop-coils and sipping Mecha-cola.

"Inquiry: headache is cause of Combaticons?"

"Indeed, Soundwave. Onslaught is making something and they are, well, I have no clue what it is that they are doing."

"Lazerbeak, eject. Operation: spy on Combaticons."

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><p>"… YEAH, WELL, I WILL SHOVE YOUR GUN DOWN SWINDLE'S THROAT!"<p>

"Heeeeeey! Don't do that! Not without this new lubricant! Buy two bottles for the price of three and get another bottle for free!"

"Swindle, you make as much sense as when Brawl got drunk that bagillionth time."

"Am I the only one who doesn't care about anything that is happening around here? Where is my bag of pop-coils?"

"SHUT YOUR HOLE UP OR I WILL TEAR YOU A NEW VALVE!"

"Combaticons! Here is your mission!"

"Oh, yay, a mission, woohoo, can I go now?"

"Did you use the Mission Planner 3000? For a limited time only …"

"Can I torture someone? Please, oh please!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND YOU, TELL THE FREAKING PLAN ALREADY! MORONS!"

"All right, here is the map of the base …"

"Provided by yours truly …"

"Um, Onslaught, this is our base, not Autobots …"

"Just get this over with. I want to go shoot some innocent people from orbit …"

"I WANT TO FUCK SOMEONE UP!"

"… and as you can see, there are three corridors leading to Shockwave's quarters."

"Shockwave?"

"With this aphrodisiac tested on Ick-Yaks, you will make any mech follow you to the ends of the universe!"

"If he hurts you, can I give him a ride?"

"I WILL FUCKBLITERATE HIM!"

"… Brawl and Vortex, you two take corridor 3-A and the staircase. Swindle, keep people out of corridor 1-C. Blast-off, you will be stationed at the elevator."

"Hey, Onslaught, any specific strategies?"

"I WILL SAW THEM IN HALF AND MAKE A PINATA OUT OF THEIR LIVERS!"

"No, no special tactics or strategies, just be yourselves."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"I WILL STUFF THEIR VALVES WITH C4 AND LET IT RIP!"

"Funny thing, I have it on sale! Untested on humans!"

"Fine. Onslaught, can I speak freely?"

"Go ahead, Blast-off."

"As good as Shockwave is, I think you can do much better but hey, I fly in orbit and blow the fuck away from anything that moves. Hm, I should give Cosmos a call; it gets lonely...," the spacecraft drifted off for a second, then shook his head and continued, "Sorry, got off tracks. I couldn't; care less with whom you choose to, hang-out, for the lack of better word but I think you could do better than Shockwave …"

"If that guy ever hurts you, Brawl, Blast-off and me are gonna have our way with him and then Swindle will sell him off to the Autobots. If anything remains that is."

"I WILL SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE WITH ANTI-MATTER NUCLEAR MISSILES UNTIL IT STOPS BEING ENTERTAINING!"

"I could buy a deodorant or two if something would be left …"

"… again, I could care less but that's just my opinion if I did."

"… and remember, we can always form Bruticus. Remember the last time Shockwave tried stopping him?"

"I found the scrap and sold it to some firm on Earth with an apple logo."

"Ah, well, I, um... thanks, brothers."

"YOU ARE STARSCREAMFUCKING WELCOME!"

"Special offers for you, anytime!"

"Yeah, um, whatever …"

"I hope I will get to torture someone …"

"Combaticons! Execute mission – Giving a Hand!"

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><p>"… and then I take that Autobot's face and finally I manage finish my bathroom tiling!"<p>

"Ahahaha! Scapper, you are better than you think! Granted you are not as good as I am but come on! You gotta admit that you are ok!"

"Yeah! Don't be so shy, man!"

"Ah, hehe, Hook, Bonecrusher, I guess I know a thing or two …"

"HEY! GET THE SLAG OUT OF THE FREAKING HALL!"

"Dibs on …"

"DIBS ON ALL THREE!"

"Damn it!"

The three Constructicons froze in place as they heard the familiar, terrifying voices but when the sources of the noise came running into the hall -screaming and throwing things at them- there was no question about what to do next.

"RUUUUUUN!"

"YOU LOWLIVES WILL ANSWER FOR THIS!"

"QUICK! BEFORE THEY REACH THE ELEVATOR!"

"!"

"SCRAPPER! FASTER!"

"No! No! NO! WE ARE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!"

On the run, Hook took out one of his guns and threw it at the elevator panel, hoping it would hit any of the buttons.

"DAMN! I MISSED!"

"HOOK! BONECRUSHER! GO ON WITHOUT ME! I WILL HOLD THEM OFF!"

"NO! YOU OWE ME MONEY!"

"I PAID YOU BACK AN HOUR AGO!"

"Oh... IN THAT CASE, BYE!"

"WAIT WHAT? DON'T LEAVE ME, YOU BASTARD!"

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><p>Starscream never liked elevators. He preferred flying throw the air, showing off his superior body to everyone, knowing they were envious of him, all of them. This time, however, a certain cone-head "accidentally" shot the second-in-command in the foot.<p>

"That scrap-heap Ramjet is going to get what he deserves when I overthrow Megatron and …"

Suddenly, the elevator doors opened and Scrapper, Bonecrusher and Hook, screaming at the top of their lungs, cannon-balled themselves into the elevator doors and repeatedly pressed the buttons to get the doors to close.

"What in the name of …"

"STARSCREAM!"

"Wha…" the seeker looked in the corridor only to see Brawl sprint towards them at full speed, "PRESS THE SLAGGING BUTTON! FASTER! FAAAASTEEEEEEERRRRR!"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

All three pressed themselves as far back into the elevator as possible, screaming for their lives as the doors finally began to close.

"Phew, this was …"

Scrapper was interrupted by a loud slamming noise and the elevator door taking shape of the Combaticon tank.

"AAAAAAAAHH!"

Then, through a tiny hole, Brawl's arm showed up and threw a pack of live grenades into the cabin.

"VORTEX! BOOM!"

"Well," Bonecrusher said calmly, with a sad smile on his face plates, looking at the bombs, "We are boned."

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><p>"… I just don't get why we have to exterminate everything! I mean look at humans! We are not too different from them! Sure they can't fly and are hopelessly inferior but still!"<p>

"Just enjoy the time when you don't have to. Eventually all this will be over."

"I dunno, I just kinda feel bad for them!"

"Thundercracker, I do too, to a certain extent, but we made our choice to be with the Decepticons and we gotta stick to it! It is not like the Autobots are gonna welcome us with oil and petro-rabbit pie!"

"Eh, I guess. I just miss the old days …"

"Yeah, me too, but hey, we can still prank people!"

"Thanks, Skywarp, let's go get …" the seeker interrupted himself, "… did you feel that?"

"Yeah, what the frag is …"

Both looked down the flickering corridor with a dripping roof, only to see Blast-off, slowly walking towards the two Decepticons, projecting a malevolent aura and singing a lullaby:

"… twinkle twinkle liiiittle staaaar, how I wonder what you aaaare, up above the world so high …"

"Didn't we have that, um, patrol, really, REALLY, far away from here?"

"Yes, yes we did, you wanna go …"

"RUN!"

"Huh?" Blast-off snapped out of his trance at the sound of the retreating jets, "What happened? Oh, these lights are annoying!"

The Combaticon took out his gun and got rid of all light in the already dark corridor.

"I swear I heard someone though. Oh well. Eeee! Darkness! Now what do I do about the water …"

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><p>"Damn it! Stupid doors!"<p>

"Urgh!"

Blitzwing and Astrotrain hated corridor 1-C; the doors were always jammed, no matter how many times they were fixed

"Why not just removed the fragging doors?"

"Remember the last time we tried doing that?"

Oh, he remembered very well. Soundwave's cassette bots terrorized the two triplechangers for megacycles. Ravage kept stealing their food rations or added "extra" ingredients that included spicy energon, sour oil, compost and many, many other unpleasant things. Ratbat slipped into their quarters, hid somewhere and made very random and annoying noises for hours. Rumble and Frenzy did what they did best: pranked the ever-living crap out of the two bigger mechs.

"Sometimes I wonder if Megatron is sane in the first place! This whole base is leaking!"

"It ain't a pretty sight. The other day I think I saw, what ya call these things, whales? Or what?"

"No, cats; yea, I am pretty sure."

"Urgh! When are they going to fix 1-C? This is ridiculous!"

"There has to be a better way around than going outside into the water …"

"… and there is!"

"Oh, crap."

Swindle popped out from around the corner and energetically walked down the hall way:

"With the help of the new and totally safe teleportation pad that has absolutely not been tested on rabbits or Huffer, built out of recycled spare parts of the fellow Decepticons, you will be able to get any where you want! 30 seconds warranty guaranteed, 110% resell value, crappy batteries included!"

"Oh, no …"

"Tired of waiting? Bored out of your skull?"

"Scared shitless."

"Try the new Swindle's Easy Bake Oven …"

"… or die?"

"… with built in features like a video camera, an Ipod disposal and an unstable nuclear reactor! Order now and get a free Ick-Yak!" Swindle reached into his storage compartment and took out two baby Ick-Yaks. "Look at how cuddly they are! Here! Have them now! Consider this a first-time client bonus!"

With these words, the entrepreneur threw the two "cuddly" creatures into Blitzwing's and Astrotrain's face.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"IT IS EATING MY OPTICS!"

"… and here comes the oven! Think fast!"

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><p>Onslaught was never nervous or shy; he did get really pissed when his plans didn't work but never anxious. This time was different: this was not a battle field, this was not a fight, neither there were Autobots to kill or humans to terrorize. This was entirely different.<p>

He walked into the room and saw his target tending to the control systems.

"Shockwave!"

"Oh, Onslaught!" The Decepticon turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"I, um," the combiner team commander felt a blush rush to his face plates, "I, uh, wanted, to, um …"

"Onslaught?"

"The thing is, um, you see, both of us are, um, planning types and, eh …"

He wasn't always a soldier; there was a time when he was young, naïve, ignorant of this world of war, surrounded by loving parents. Now, things were different, and he was ready to try to piece his life together with the help of his brothers, The Combaticons. Onslaught was not about to let them down.

"… here," the Decepticon reached his hand out and gave Shockwave a box, "I hope you, eh, like, what is inside."

The sub-commander took the gift with his one good hand, supporting it at the bottom with the other, placing it on the table before carefully opening it.

"Oh, oh, that is …" Shockwave took out a robotic hand, "… did you make this?"

"Yes, I have, I, uh, got Swindle to get me your schematics while the other three were scaring the crap out of the rest and I made you this. It is retractable and, eh, stuff."

"Why are you doing this?"

Onslaught slowly approached the Decepticon, carefully took the robotic hand and gently replaced the gun with it. Then, the Combaticon leaned in and gave Shockwave a peck on the cheek.

"Hold on... is this why your team are causing so much chaos around the base?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, well, heh, let's see where this shall go …"

"Want to plan it out?"

"You read my mind …"

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><p>P.S. Soundwave didn't want to stand in their way so he let it all pass ...<p>

P.P.S. Blitzwing and Astrotrain are alive … barely …

P.P.P.S. Starscream, Scrapper, Hook and Bonecrusher got boned …

P.P.P.P.S. No Ick-Yaks were hurt in the production of this film.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Well, there you have it, I tried my best. I will probably write more about them, I certainly hope so ...**

**Writing fics about combiner teams ... well ... by doing that I want to get people to write more about them and not just the Autobot ones, Predaking, Abominus, Menasor, Devestator and so on and so forth (yes, why not include the japanese wack-offs like Landcross and Dinoking and whatever the hell else they got ...)**

**I don't own Transformers.**

**Thanks to C.M.D. for reviewing and editing.**

**'Till that day, 'till all are one. **


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